Category: Proudly Resents: Christmas Movies

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Bad Christmas movies are recapped, torn apart and trashed. Featuring Jimmy Pardo (Never Not Funny), Todd Levin (Conan), Adam Felber (NPR), Sharon Houston (Punk’d) and my big bro Mike Spiegelman (Adam’s Brother). Movies like “Kirk Cameron’s Saving Christmas,” “Santa Claus – The Movie,” “Christmas Shoes” and even “It’s a Wonderful Life!” Plus bonus films like “Jesus Christ Vampire Slayer.”

It’s the reason for the season!

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Top 5 Movie Stars with Christmas Misses

 

Mike Spiegelman tackles the top 5 worst Christmas movies made by major movie stars.

5. Robin Williams – Toys (1992) – Let’s begin twenty years ago when the creative force behind Good Morning, Vietnam (1987) released a Christmas movie. Director Barry Levinson and the late actor Robin Williams whipped up an original trailer where Williams riffed in costume and on set. The production looked mismatched and detached, Williams ranted on, but at least the trailer was 3 minutes long. The actual film departed from Levinson’s grounded family stories into a fairy tale about a toy factory threatened by the military. Williams runs the factory, his brother is LL Cool J, his love interested is factory drone Robyn Wrigh , and he drinks Pepsi Cola. The sets, despite their oversized parameters and bright colors, dull the action, even when there are explosions and floods in the final reel. Trevor Horn of the Buggles wrote the music, including holiday tunes that no one’s ever heard, which is ridiculous because, as Americans, we’ve heard every holiday tune ever recorded. Williams and Levinson later redeemed themselves when they made the even more insufferable Man of the Year (2006).

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The Writer of Michael Keaton’s “Jack Frost” tells all

How does a movie about a dead dad who becomes a snow man get made? Jeff Cesario, the writer of Jack Frost tells us everything.

“Star Wars Holiday Special,” Adam Sandler’s “8 Crazy Nights” and the War on Christmas

Adam Sandler, Jimmy Stewart, Kirk. Cameron and Chewbacca all get roasted on an open fire. as we explore the worst holiday movies ever made.

Jimmy Pardo, ToddLevin a& SharonHouston Roast “Kirk Cameron’s Saving Christmas”

KIRK 2Jimmy Pardo,  Todd Levin  (Conan) and comedian Sharon Houston  (Punk’d) rip apart the worst Christmas movie ever made, “Kirk Cameron’s Saving Christmas.”

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“An American Carol”

Comedians Janine Brito and Graham Smith & I review  “An American Carol.” One of the guys who made “Airplane” wears his politics on his sleeve and his lunch on his shirt with this terrible political comedy.

From Wikipedia:

An American Carol is a 2008 American comedy film directed by David Zuckerand starring Kevin Farley. In some other countries the film is known as Big Fat Important Movie.  Presented from a conservative-leaning perspective, the film is a parody of liberal filmmaker Michael Moore that “lampoons contemporary American culture,

58766084a6033ea7f8f97f52b936b111particularly Hollywood.” It uses the framework of A Christmas Carol but moves the setting of the story from Christmas to Independence Day. The screenplay is written by Myrna Sokoloff and Zucker. The supporting cast includesKelsey GrammerJon VoightDennis HopperTrace AdkinsGary Coleman,Jillian Murray and Leslie Nielsen. The film was released on October 3, 2008.
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“Christmas with the Kranks”

Tim Allen and Jamie Lee Curtis star in “Christmas with the Kranks.” It’s my brother’s favorite good/bad holiday film. Mike tells me all the time. I hear it all the time! Finally watched it. It’s a film about a couple who decide to not do Christmas, which is apparently illegal in their small white block.

 

 

Mike and I recap this Christmas crap with ho ho holiday cheer.Special guest: My niece Molly! She runs around and is just being cute.

 

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 5 Worst Christmas Movies, ever

Check out the recap of “The Christmas Shoes.” It’s the VHS Rob Lowe doesn’t want you to see.

“The Christmas Shoes” and “The Christmas Blessing” W/ Adam Felber

The saddest Christmas song ever was made into the saddest Christmas movie ever. “The Christmas Shoes” stars Rob Lowe, Dorian Harewood, Kimberly Williams-Paisley, John Dunsworth (“The Trailer Park Boys”) and a fabulous pair of shoes. Listen to  me and NPR’s Adam Felber (“Wait… Wait Don’t Tell Me”) via Skype from his backyard to talk about the this three hanky tearjerker and it’s sequel, “The Christmas Blessing.”

Watch the Christmas Shoes Here.

From IMDB.com: Two separate stories mesh – in the first, a young music teacher, Maggie Andrews, begins dying of a heart condition and her son Nathan tries to get a pair of Christmas shoes for her before she dies. In the second, lawyer Robert Layton and his wife Kate are slowly drifting apart and the matter comes to a head during Christmas when Kate takes over for Maggie for the school choir and declines a job in Robert’s firm. When Robert’s mother passes away, he begins to reconsider things and his and Nathan’s paths cross on Christmas Eve as Nathan tries to raise the money for the shoes and Robert tries to get a present for his daughter. Written by crow_steve@hotmail.com
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ABC Reveals Sick Santa

Nightline hits the hard story with their story about Killer Christmas movies.
What other Sick Santa movies are there? Besides Gingerdead Man 3:Saturday Night Cleaver.

Transcript after the jump.
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“Santa Claus: The Movie” Not Nice

HO HO HOpeless. Greed comes to Christmas in the first Santa Claus origin story/superhero reboot.  Dudley Moore, John Lithgow  do their best to get through “Santa Claus: the Movie.” Obviously they only read the first draft of the paycheck. Mike Spiegelman, my brother from the same mother, joins with back ground on this film, ridiculous moments and product placement. Yes, a movie that takes place mostly on the North Pole has product placement. Lithgow chews up the scenery like a Christmas cookie and Moore sits there like an old fruit cake. The movie has the same footage of NYC that was used in Superman. This time they just put Santa on it. Plus a lot of glitter. Chantel!

Dear Santa, I know you know when I’ve been sleeping and you know when I’ve been awake. Sorry about the film. Could not keep my eyes open. Enjoy two out of three cookies I left for you. ”

If you still want to buy “Santa Claus: The Movie” click here.

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From Wikipedia:

In his book Have Yourself a Movie Little Christmas, critic Alonso Duralde lists Santa Claus: The Movie in his chapter of worst Christmas movies ever. His reasons include weak plot, garish production design, blatant product placement (particularly for McDonald’s, though Coke and Pabst Blue Ribbon are also prominent), and scenery-chewing overacting on the part of Lithgow. Duralde ultimately concludes that the film is “a train-wreck of a Christmas movie that’s so very wrong that you won’t be able to tear yourself away from it.”

 John Carpenter was originally offered the chance to direct, but also wanted a say in the writing, musical score and final cut of the movie. Carpenter’s original choice for the role of Santa was Brian Dennehy.

(Yes, I just quoted a source that quoted a source.)

From IMDB.com, lines from the movie:

    Ancient Elf: The Prophecy has come to pass, that there would come to us a Chosen One, and that he, having no child of his own, would love all children everywhere, and that he himself would be an artisan, and a craftsman, and a skilled maker of toys. [to Santa] And now, Chosen One, come forward. From this day on, now and forever, you will bring all our gifts to all the children in all the world, and all this to be done on Christmas Eve.

    Santa Claus: How can I do so much in just one night?

    Ancient Elf: Well, know this: time travels with you. The night of the world is a passage of endless night for you, until your mission is done. This is your legacy, and your gift…. as is the gift of flight. Now, all those within the sound of my voice, and all those on this Earth everywhere know that henceforth, you will be called — Santa Claus. And now, everyone, Merry Christmas.